Little Big Town Girl

It’s my senior year of college, and I’ve been a little meanie taking delight in asking friends, “So, do you feel like a senior?” more than I’ve been asked by far.

This semester I will complete two collaborative senior projects, finish off my work in the Honors program, mentor Honors students, lead a club for the third year, TA for design, and dorm with one of my best friends.

And that’s actually just the first semester! Come to think of it, at the end of the school year, I will have completed THREE collaborative senior projects. WHAT. I never would have imagined myself on track to do anything like this.

There are so many people I assumed were at least a year ahead of me that are still here at school. It’s good to see their faces. I should be more ashamed for continually boxing myself and others in “neatly” sorted levels.

The other day in consoling a friend, a lesson that’s been simmering over the course of my time in college came up a little more refined and golden. A big part of growing up is learning that everyone’s at different stages with different needs for actually taking life lessons to heart, or just finding their own way.

A big part of growing up is learning that everyone’s at different stages with different needs…

Still, from the same default, faulty perspective I’ve had on hierarchy, I’m relieved that even though I’m not actually one of the babies anymore, I can lean a little knowing there are plenty of familiar faces around. Even if I don’t really know them… Small school probz, ya know?

I’m used to being the small one, nicely positioned to be the underdog. It’s easy when you’re younger and littler for people to not expect a whole lot from you, but to be surprised with just the right amount of delight for the triumphs you do venture out with.

Not so with seniors or those who have taken leadership positions with more titles—with more years under their belt.

I read a Spec Ops blog about how in the military the stakes for being “that guy,” the weakest link heightens during training, as they separate the weak from the strong. A self-fulfilling prophecy takes shape when “the Fear” sets in, and can erode the machine of brotherhood. Basically, if you spend your energy on fear, it will feed on that energy, and swallow you whole.

But if you find yourself a part of a very good team, one you feel very under-qualified to be a part of, let it humble you. Let it make you grateful just to show up. Let it push you to feel loved and equipped with the tools to do and finish great things, with Strength beyond yourself.

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